Probably the Best Metaphorical Ode in the World (on the fitness of slippers)

The world's in the crapper and my love's an old slipper
She thinks I'm a nutter but she couldn't do better
For at least I don't hit her and I do make her titter
(I never get bitter with my inamorata)

Or is the world an old slipper and my love in the crapper?
Of course she's a nutter and a total bedwetter
But I couldn't do better for I really do love her
(And she drives me about in her golden Toyota)

But the heart of the matter's no slipper nor crapper
For it's me that she flatters while the world is in tatters
Me that she butters, and me she unfetters
And me she unbuttons when her mind's in the gutter

She's potty, she's totty, she's totally hottie
No slipper is fitter, no metaphor apter.

RSP 2008